Let's just try this out
Feb. 9th, 2009 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
innameofGriffen squirmed and adjusted his tie as the therapist let him in. Griffen wasn't comfortable being here. he didn't think this man could help hm. This room seemed too small anyways. Too many books. Too many pictures of happy looking places. It made Griffen feel like he should be happy too. He wasn't though. He really didn't want to be here.
He sat down anyways and looked over at the ,much older professional. He had a pad of paper in his hands and a smile Griffen thought looked kind. It was hard to tell Griffen decided since he was a shut in.
"Well Griffen...I can call you Griffen right," he started.
Griffen shrugs lightly. "Yeah sure. I guess so. It doesn't matter. I'm just trying you out."
The other man nods. "I understand. This is a big step for you."
Griffen stares at him then shrugs and leans back. "I don't know. I don't know if this is any kind of step. Like I said I'm trying you out. I'm not sure if my problems can be fixed. I never tried fixing them before. It...was ok. Before. To feel the way I do about things."
"Well. What do you feel about things? What things?"
Griffen moves a hand through his hair. "I'm afraid all the time I think. Everything always feels way too crowded in. Unless I have work. Work keeps me happy. Work and research. They're very different things for me. Research is fun. I'm a physicist. I love the order numbers give me. The world comes together and makes sense if the science is right. There's no feelings of madness. No insanity. You don't need to feel. Just work the numbers and the answers are laid out before you."
He thinks talking about the numbers makes him happy. It's strange but good. The therapist interupts his sudden silence. "Is it difficult for you to feel things?"
Griffen blinks then shrugs again. "I think so. I get scared. I'm afraid of people who might hurt me, I'm afraid of getting treated like I'm not worth the space I'm in. I need to matter I guess. But I never really saw myself as worth while. It's the science I do that matters. I'm just the guy who does it."
"Did someone hurt you Giffen?" Griffen shoots up after that's asked.
"No! No! I don't want to...I refuse to talk about this. I'm sorry I c..c..CAN'T talk about this," Griffen manages to say while he's trying to get to the door. His head hurts and he doesn't want to think back. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'll send a check."
"Wait! At...least sit a while so you can get home safely Mr O'Niell."
Griffen blinks then nods like a clockwork figure and sits and waits for his head to stop pounding. He refuses to say a word though. No one ever hurt him.
He sat down anyways and looked over at the ,much older professional. He had a pad of paper in his hands and a smile Griffen thought looked kind. It was hard to tell Griffen decided since he was a shut in.
"Well Griffen...I can call you Griffen right," he started.
Griffen shrugs lightly. "Yeah sure. I guess so. It doesn't matter. I'm just trying you out."
The other man nods. "I understand. This is a big step for you."
Griffen stares at him then shrugs and leans back. "I don't know. I don't know if this is any kind of step. Like I said I'm trying you out. I'm not sure if my problems can be fixed. I never tried fixing them before. It...was ok. Before. To feel the way I do about things."
"Well. What do you feel about things? What things?"
Griffen moves a hand through his hair. "I'm afraid all the time I think. Everything always feels way too crowded in. Unless I have work. Work keeps me happy. Work and research. They're very different things for me. Research is fun. I'm a physicist. I love the order numbers give me. The world comes together and makes sense if the science is right. There's no feelings of madness. No insanity. You don't need to feel. Just work the numbers and the answers are laid out before you."
He thinks talking about the numbers makes him happy. It's strange but good. The therapist interupts his sudden silence. "Is it difficult for you to feel things?"
Griffen blinks then shrugs again. "I think so. I get scared. I'm afraid of people who might hurt me, I'm afraid of getting treated like I'm not worth the space I'm in. I need to matter I guess. But I never really saw myself as worth while. It's the science I do that matters. I'm just the guy who does it."
"Did someone hurt you Giffen?" Griffen shoots up after that's asked.
"No! No! I don't want to...I refuse to talk about this. I'm sorry I c..c..CAN'T talk about this," Griffen manages to say while he's trying to get to the door. His head hurts and he doesn't want to think back. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'll send a check."
"Wait! At...least sit a while so you can get home safely Mr O'Niell."
Griffen blinks then nods like a clockwork figure and sits and waits for his head to stop pounding. He refuses to say a word though. No one ever hurt him.